


Everybody Knows

by Ravens_World



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21532780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravens_World/pseuds/Ravens_World
Summary: The five times someone assumed they're together, and Eddie had to correct them, and the one time it happened and he didn't have to.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 77
Kudos: 939





	Everybody Knows

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I am officially one of those authors who write new fics instead of finishing their WIPs. If any of you are familiar with be my shelter, I would like to say I'm sorry for how long it's been since I updated! The chapter is coming along, bit it is slow going.
> 
> This fic follows cannon up to 3x07
> 
> Hope you enjoy this one!

1\. A Nurse

"Hello?"

Eddie closed his eyes in relief. Just hearing that voice put Eddie at ease. "Buck?" He couldn't help the way his voice broke, and though in other circumstances he would be ashamed of showing a weakness, this time he wasn't; because this was Buck and he knew he wouldn't judge him.

"Eddie? Hey, man, what's wrong?" His voice was hoarse, probably because Eddie woke him up, and though he felt a little guilty for it, he couldn't say he regretted it. "Eddie, talk to me."

"I'm at the hospital."

"What?!" Eddie could hear rustling of sheets, meaning Buck was getting out of his bed, and he barely managed to stop the tears of relief from escaping. "Are you okay? Is Christopher?"

"Buck, he's really sick."

"Okay," Buck said, and it sounded like he was trying to calm himself down. "Okay, I'm coming to you right now. Send me the location."

He breather out in relief. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, man. And, Eddie?"

"Yeah?"

"He's gonna be okay."

.

Buck got there in record time, probably broke a couple of laws on the way there, and though Eddie wanted to scold him for it, he was too grateful for it to be effective. The first thing he did when he reached Eddie was pull him into a tight, lingering hug. Eddie buried his face in the crook of his neck, and tried his hardest not to break. 

"How is he?"

"He's- It's pneumonia, Buck. And it was bad. I should've taken him to the hospital days ago, but I just though it was a chest cold, you know? He's had them before and I knew how to deal with them. He was fine before he went to bed, I swear."

Buck put his hands on his shoulders and squeezed, shaking him a little. "This isn't your fault, okay? It's not your fault."

He hugged him again, tighter than before and they stayed like that for a couple of minutes until someone cleared their throat and they sprang apart. 

The nurse smiled at them, looking amused, and pointed to Christopher's room. "I was just going to see how Christopher is doing."

Eddie cleared his throat and nodded. She lead the way in, and Buck followed closely behind them. 

"His temperature is down, his vitals are all normal. Your son is gonna be okay," she told them cheerfully. She checked the iv line and smoothed his blankets, then was out as fast as she came. 

Buck blinked after her. "How is she so cheerful? It's like twelve am."

Eddie laughed softly. "Beats me." 

There was a minute of comfortable silence between them, during which Eddie alternated between watching Christopher and watching Buck. He had never been more grateful for having the other man in his life as much as he was now. His ability to put their differences aside when Eddie and Christopher needed him was truly outstanding. Eddie didn't know many people who would be willing to do that for him. They'd had a big fight, again, not twelve hours ago, and yet, here Buck was, as if nothing happened. 

"I'm sorry."

Buck looked away from Christopher to give him a curious look. "What for?"

"For the way I've been treating you ever since you got back."

Buck shook his head. "I get it. I don't like it, but I get it."

Eddie looked down at his interlaced hands, and pursed his lips. "Do you? 'Cause I sure as hell don't, Buck."

He rested his head on the wall behind his chair and stared at Eddie. "You were mad at me because you needed me and I wasn't there, and then you were mad at yourself for needing me in the first place. Those stupid fights were your way of letting that out."

Eddie said nothing, just avoided Buck's eyes. "I'm sorry."

Buck snorted. "Don't be, man. I've had worse. At least you just used your words."

Eddie caught the wince on his face before it disappeared behind an embarrassed grin. Buck waved off his questions before he got the chance to ask them, so Eddie let it go.

"And for what it's worth, I'm sorry too, Eddie. You'll never know how sorry I am for not being there for either of you."

"You had your own problems, Buck. It wasn't fair for me to expect you to drop everything and come running."

Buck tapped his thigh as a gentle rebuke. "I want you to expect that, okay? I would've dropped everything if I had known either of you needed me. Or that you needed me to _bail you out._ "

Eddie spluttered in indignation while Buck laughed his ass off, though he made sure to keep quiet as to not wake Christopher. "I-"

"Oh, save it." Buck rolled his eyes. The humor of the conversation died down, and Eddie looked at Christopher's still form on the hospital bed. He really didn't want to have this conversation. "What's going on with you, Eddie?"

He feigned confusion. "What do you mean?"

Buck gave him a look that said he didn't buy it. "You know what I mean." When he didn't say anything, Buck huffed and shook his head. "The bruises, Eddie. Coming home later and later almost every night for the past week."

Eddie narrowed his eyes at him. "What, you're spying on me now?" He asked, his eyes narrowed. Buck reeled back and raised an eyebrow. 

"Seriously, Eddie?"

"What?"

Buck threw his hands up and then slid down in his chair, looking like a petulant child. "Fine. You don't want to talk? Fine by me."

"Doesn't really look it."

"You know what, Eddie?-"

"Daddy?"

Their heads both snapped to the bed, and when Eddie saw Christopher reaching for him, he sprang up from the chair to his son's side. "Hi. Hey, little man," he said quietly, stroking his hair back. Christopher smiled at him, and Eddie felt like he could breathe again. "How are you feeling?"

His question went unanswered because Christopher noticed Buck standing a few feet away, and his smile widened considerably. "Bucky!"

Buck smiled back, soft and genuine, and walked over to them. He sat on the other side of Christopher's bed and took one of his hands in both of his. "How are you doing, kiddo?"

"Okay," he answered softly.

"That's good. That's really good." 

"I missed you," Christopher informed him seriously. There was a stricken look on his face, only there for a second before it was replaced by a soft, apologetic look. 

"I missed you, too, Christopher." 

Buck then leant down and kissed his forehead, closing his eyes. That expression, the sheer relief written all over his face, knocked the breath out of Eddie. He knew Buck loved Christopher, but in times like this, he was still taken by surprise by just how much. 

"-ddy?"

Eddie shook himself out of those thoughts, and gave his full attention to his son. "Yeah?"

He lifted his hand slowly and put it on his face. Eddie leaned into the touch. "Are you okay?"

"This?!" Eddie, asked, pointing at the bruise on his jaw. He smiled brightly and fought the urge to wince. "It's nothing, Chris, just an accident at work."

Christopher looked down and away from him, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Buck purse his lips, but he thankfully didn't say anything. Suddenly, Eddie felt the need to get out of the room. He looked to Buck, and the other man seemed to understand what he wanted without him having to say anything. Buck nodded and tilted his head towards the door. Eddie nodded back and stood up. He squeezed Christopher's leg and ruffled his hair. "I need to talk to your doctor, okay, Christopher?"

Christopher just nodded.

Eddie practically ran out of the room, and once he was a safe distance away, he sat down on a chair, and put his head in his hands. He couldn't get the look of fear and disappointment on Christopher's face out of his thoughts, and it was driving him crazy. The thing was, he'd been good at hiding the bruises for the most part, and he had honestly believed his son never noticed them. But the way Chris acted just now? That meant the kid had seen them before, but hadn't said anything. Eddie _should've noticed_. And he should've stopped with the street fights a long time ago, but he was too damn weak, and the relief of releasing all that pent up anger was too addictive for him to give it up just like that. 

A hand on his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts. Eddie startled and looked up. "Bobby?!" 

Bobby sat down next to him. "Hey, Eddie." 

"What are you doing here?"

Bobby smiled. "Buck called," he said as if it explained everything.

Eddie shook his head. "Sorry about that. He shouldn't have-"

Bobby held up a hand, cutting him off. "I'm glad he did. He's been worried about you. He tried to hide it, but he's terrible at it."

Eddie chuckled, nodding in agreement. "I don't deserve it, Bobby. I've been.." he trailed off, unable to put his feelings into words. 

"He wouldn't hold it against you, you know that, right?" 

Eddie's heart nearly beat out of his chest. Did Bobby _know_? 

"Whatever it is you're trying so hard to hide, he won't hold it agaisnt you."

He breathed out in relief. Then the words registered and he stilled, his eyes finding Bobby's. He searched his face and found nothing but sincerity. "How do you know?"

"I've known that kid for over three years now. If there's one thing I know about Buck for sure is this; if he loves you, there is nothing in the world he wouldn't forgive you for. Nothing."

Eddie nodded, clenching his jaw in an effort to keep it together. Bobby put a hand on his shoulder and shook him a little. "Talk to him. He's a great listener."

Eddie nodded. "Yeah, okay. I'll talk to him."

Bobby nodded, satisfied, and leaned back. "How's Christopher doing?"

"He's getting better. They're keeping him for another day or two, maybe more, depending on how he's doing."

"And you? How are you doing with all of this?"

"Not so good." He admitted. 

"I get it, kid. But don't forget to take care of yourself while you take care of him. And let us help. Let _Buck_ help you."

"I feel like I've failed him." He confided in the older man, whose expression softened.

"So what if you had? Try again, Eddie. That's the best thing you can do for him."

Bobby got up. "You take a few more minutes, pull yourself together, and I'll go see how Christopher and Buck are doing."

Eddie stood up, too, and Bobby surprised him when he pulled him into a warm and quick hug. 

"Thanks, Bobby."  
.

Eddie stopped in the doorway of his son's hospital room, and stared at the bed. Buck was sleeping on his side, one arm bent and used as a pillow, and the other around Christopher. The little boy was on his side too, his head buried in Buck's chest with an arm fisted in his shirt and the other on Buck's arm, carefully put there, Eddie presumed, because of the IV line.   
  
Seeing them like this made Eddie want Buck to be a part of their family, as his partner and as a parent to Christopher, with an intensity that terrified him. He knew it was impossible, knew it was nothing but a naive dream of his. The thing he dreaded the most was that he couldn't control his feelings, and with each day, with each smile or laugh or kind word, with each interaction with Christopher, he fell for him more and more. There was no stopping it, and Eddie was terrified of Buck finding out one day just because Eddie's feelings were too much for him to contain.

"Eddie?" Buck mumbled without opening his eyes.

"How'd you know it was me?" He asked, amused. 

Buck opened his eyes and sat up slowly, careful not to wake up Christopher. "You were thinking too loud."

Eddie laughed softly and stepped closer. He sat on the edge of the bed, closer to him than he intended. "Thanks, Buck. "

Buck frowned. "You don't have to thank me. I want to be here for you two."

"I really really do, Buck. What you're doing for us? It's- I'm so-"

Buck grinned. "Eddie Diaz, speechless? Never thought I'd see the day."

He rolled his eyes. "I take it back."

"That's not how it works, man," he laughed. 

"Hey, why don't you go home? No point in both of us breaking our backs trying to sleep on the chairs or the tiny bed."

Buck shook his head befor he even finished talking. "I have the day off tomorrow. You should go home, a shower and a few hours of sleep will do you some good. I'll stay here."

"I can't leave him, Buck."

He softened. "I know. But I'll be here. Plus, you'll come tomorrow, first thing to see him. He won't even notice."

"I will!" He snapped. 

Buck pursed his lips. "Keep it down, Eddie," he hissed. "I'm just trying to help here."

He closed his eyes in regret. "I know. I know. I just don't want him to think I-" He sighed and massaged his temple. He breathed in deeply. "Okay. I'll go home, Buck, but only if it's okay with Chris."

Buck just nodded.

When Christopher woke up a half hour later, Eddie rushed to his side. Buck had left to get a coffee a few minutes ago, so they were alone. "Hey, bud. Buck says I should go home because I have an early shift tomorrow. Would that be okay? I'll come here before I go to the station, though."

Christopher looked scared. "Do you have to? I don't want to be alone."

"Of course I don't have to." He kissed his little boy's head and closed his eyes. Did Christopher really think he would just leave him alone in the hospital? "I didn't want to go, but Buck said he's stay with you just for a few hours." He leaned in close to his ears. "He told me go shower and sleep; I think that was his way of telling me that I stink."

Christopher giggled, relaxing a little once he found out Buck would be staying with him. It warmed him right down to the core to see how much Chris trusted him. "So, Buck is staying with me?" Christopher checked.

Eddie nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay, you can go."

Eddie feigned hurt and put a hand to his chest. "Are you replacing me?! Is that how it is no?!"

Christopher giggled again. "No!"

Eddie smiled and hugged his son carefully. "I love you so much."

"Love you too, dad."

.

When Buck entered the room, Eddie said goodbye to Christopher and promised him to come in the morning. He didn't know if Buck was still upset with him, so he merely wished him a goodnight and bolted out of the room.

He went home, showered and got into bed. He didn't really expect to be able to sleep, too worried about Christopher, but to his surprise, he actually managed to sleep four hours before his alarm woke him up.

.

When he got to the hospital at seven am, he found Buck and Christopher both asleep, much as they'd been the day before. Someone behind him cleared their throat, and when he turned around, he saw Christopher's nurse standing behind him with a smile on her face.

"Good morning." She smiled brightly, and Eddie couldn't help but smile back. She was really young, probably in her early 20s, and it really showed. "I checked on him a few minutes ago; Christopher is doing really well. His fever spiked at night, but it wasn't anything to worry about. Your boyfriend was really helpful with calming him down. Didn't leave his side once."

Eddie smiled, then his mind caught up to what she said and he froze. "Boyfriend?"

Her eyes widened. "Oh, is he your husband? I'm sorry, I should have checked before-"

His heart beating loudly in his chest, Eddie just about managed to cur her off. "Buck is just a friend."

She seemed really confused. "Huh?" 

"He's just a friend," he chocked out. She seemed skeptical, and he couldn't even blame her. He wouldn't have believed him either. 

"I'm sorry to assume, sir. It's just- the way he was yesterday, with you and with Christopher..." she trailed off. She took a deep breath and started stammering, eyes wide and fearful. "You're not offended, are you? It's my first week on the job and I really- I'm really sorry, please don't-"

He waved off her concern and smiled softly, amused. "It's fine. I promise."

"Okay. Okay." She visibly pulled herself together. "I'm gonna go now."

He watched her scurry away, then returned to watching over two of the most important people in his life. Her words struck a chord with him, and he wished more than anything he could have told her that yes, Buck was his boyfriend and have it be true. Truth was, he'd been running away from his feelings for Buck for the better part of a year now, and though at first he'd assumed they would go away on their own, they seemed to only get stronger with time. 

Eddie closed his eyes and imagined what it would be like to tell Buck how he felt, to not have to hide that part of himself. 

"Eddie?"

He opened his eyes and smiled at him. Buck smiled back brightly. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I am." 

He pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down. Buck started to update him on everything that happened. Eddie listened, and watched, and smiled. 

This, having Buck as a friend, was enough.

It had to be.

  
2\. School principal 

When Eddie got the call from the school, he and Buck were on their way to get lunch from a nearby diner.

"Mr. Diaz, we'd like you to come down to the school. There's been an incident involving Christopher," Christopher's teacher said and Eddie didn't hear the rest, it was merely static. 

He took a quick turn and drove, faster than he should, to the school. He ignored Buck telling him to slow down, to pull over, until he almost hit a car. He pulled up on the side of the road and rested his head on the steering wheel, his whole body shaking.

Buck put his hand on his back and moved it up and down in a comforting manner. Eddie's shoulders relaxed and he let out a shaky breath.

"Eddie, what happened? Is Christopher okay?"

Eddie shook his head. "I don't know. She just said there was an accident. What if he's hurt, Buck?" The minute he said the words, he realized how bad this could actually be and his breathing picked up.

Buck must have sensed this because he unbuckled his seatbelt and turned so he was sitting sideways in the passenger seat. He took Eddie's face in between his and smiled softly. "He's okay. The teacher would've told you if it was something serious, Eddie. Now take some deep breaths." He did as he was told. Once his breathing was back to normal, Buck let him go. Eddie missed the contact immensely. "Come on, switch with me." Eddie frowned at him and Buck rolled his eyes. "Don't give me that look. I actually want to get to the school in one piece, Eddie."

Eddie reluctantly switched with Buck, though he made sure to make his displeasure know. Buck ignored him and started the car. "Maybe he got into a fight," Buck said with a laugh.

Eddie chuckled. Like his son, sweet and mildtempered Christopher would ever get in a fight.  
.

"He did what now?!"

"He hit a little boy with his crutch during recess." 

"Christopher?" 

The principal pursed her lips. "Yes, Christopher."

Eddie and Buck shared a look. "I'll go check on Christopher," Buck told him quietly. 

Eddie smiled gratefully and nodded. 

He turned his attention back to the principal who now had a small smile on her face. He thought it was weird, but didn't pay it any attention. "Do you know what happened?"

"We don't know what made him do it. But here's the thing; I know Christopher. He's a really gentle and kind kid. This behavior doesn't seem like him. Have things at home been okay?"

"Everything is fine. He's been getting better, seeing his therapist and the school's counselor have been good for him."

"Good, that's good." She cleared her throat, looking a little nervous. "And how are things with your partner?"

Eddie was confused. "Buck? I don't see how that would affect Christopher."

She clasped her hands and cleared her throat again. "Well, if there are any issues between you two at home, it may effect Christopher's behavior."

"At home?" 

Now they both seemed confused. They stared at each other for a few seconds before she broke the silence. "You put Mr. Buckley as an emergency contact. He drops off and picks up Christopher from school often. He is here, when we only called you." She waited for that to sink in before she spoke again. "Am I wrong to assume that he is your partner?"

She'd meant partner as in life partner, not work partner, Eddie realized too late. He squeezed the arms of the chair he was sitting on for dear life and resisted the urge to bolt. He cleared his throat. "Ah, yeah, you are wrong. Buck's just a friend." Though he didn't blame her for thinking otherwise, giving the things she'd just listed and the fact that everyone, except Buck, probably noticed that Eddie looked at him like the sun shines out of his ass. He sighed and rested his face in his hands. 

"Oh," she didn't look convinced, but she let it go. "Well, I'm sorry to just assume, Mr. Diaz."

He just nodded. 

"Christopher refused to tell us what happened, he calmed up after he was brought to my office. Seems to be beating himself up."

There was a knock on the door, and they both turned to see Buck outside. Mrs. Anderson waved him in, and he nervously sat down in the chair next to Eddie. Once they got the introductions out of the way (and Eddie realized he could've avoided the earlier awkwardness if he'd jusst introduced Buck earlier) Buck cleared his throat and spoke up.

"What do you plan on doing with the Andrews kid? Why isn't he here too?"

"The Andrews kid?" The principal asked, an eyebrow raised in surprise.

"Yeah, the one Christopher hit."

"Well, Mr. Buckley; considering Christopher was the one who hit him, unprovoked, if the child's words are anything to go by, we saw no reason to make him stay here and sent him home with his mother."

Eddie felt his hackles rising, and if the way Buck's nostrils flared was anything to go by, he was getting angry, too. "My son wouldn't attack someone unprovoked."

The principal nodded. "I know, which is why I was asking you about things at home." She looked quickly, and pointedly, between the two of them. That was when he realised he had a hand on Buck's thigh, and neither of them had even noticed. He resisted the urge to snatch it away and instead just slowly withdrew it.

"He's a bully! Chris said he's been bullying him for some time now, and things were getting worse. The only reason he hit him today was because he was harassing a friend of Christopher's. I think he said his name was Ian Lynch?"

The principal softened and sighed. "I see." She picked up the phone and made a few calls. Once she was done, she addressed them both.

"I'll handle this from here. I promise you, I'll deal with them in a fair way. But I need to let Christopher know that what he did was not acceptable, alright? He won't be suspended, of course, but I will have a talk with him."  
  
Eddie nodded in understanding, and he knew from the way he saw Buck shifted in his seat that he didn't like it one bit. He bit back a smile. "So, what now?"

"Now, you take Christopher home, maybe talk with him? I'm scheduling a meeting with the kids, including Ian, and their parents, you included, Mr. Diaz."

He stood up, and Buck did the same. "Alright." He extended a hand to her, and thanked her, before they both left her office. 

They stood shoulder to shoulder in front of Christopher, and when he looked up, he had an almost resigned look on his face. Eddie smiled softly at him, and crouched down. "What do you say we get some ice cream, huh?"

Christopher brightened and looked to Buck, who ruffled his hair with a smile. He leant down and whispered in his ear, loud enough for Eddie to hear, but not too loud as to not make Christopher suspicious. "I told you he wouldn't be mad, didn't I?"

Eddie's heart swelled with affection and he cleared his throat to grab both their attention. "So, Ice cream?"

Buck and Chris gave him matching bright smiles, and Eddie noticed that Buck had picked up Christopher's backpack before he could.

He sighed, and watched as they walked a bit ahead of him, engrossed in a conversation that Eddie couldn't pay attention to. He wondered now, if anyone on the street saw them like this, would they also assume they were a family? And what did it say about him when the mere idea of it, scary as it was, filled his heart with a happiness he couldn't describe.

.

3\. Carla

When Eddie got home at eleven am, two hours later than he was supposed to, he knew Carla would be mad. She had every right, considering this was the third time he'd done this to her. He expected her to be sitting in the livingroom, the tv on but muted, like always.

What he didn't expect was the sight of Buck sitting with her on said couch, talking in hushed tones. 

"Hey," he said quietly. 

He got two identical glares for his troubles, which immediately softened into looks of concern when they got a good look at his face. 

Buck jumped up from the couch and was on him in an instant. He held his face in his hands and cursed softly. "Jesus, Eddie. What happened?"

He tried to pull away, but Buck didn't allow him. He sighed and gave up. "It's nothing."

"This is not nothing," Buck hissed at him, tilting his head back. He pulled him in the direction of the bathroom by the hand, calling out to Carla that they'd be back shortly.

"Sit down, Eddie."

Eddie sat down on the edge of the bathtub without a word.

"Take off your shirt."

"At least buy me dinner first," he said jockingly, in an effort to lighten the mood.

Buck gave him an unimpressed look, so Eddie did as he was told. He only managed to lift it up to his armpits before the pain exploded from his ribs and he doubled over. 

"Eddie?! Hey, man, you okay?"

Eddie let out a strangled groan and bit his lip as Buck helped him straighten up gently. Buck slowly and methodically helped him out of his shirt. To his surprise, it didn't hurt as much as it had when he'd done it on his own the last couple of times. He wondered how Buck learned to do this, and barely managed to ignore the urge to ask. Buck inhaled sharply, and Eddie winced at the thunderous look on his face. "Buck-"

"Shut up," he snapped at him. Eddie did. "I'm gonna fix you up, you're gonna go to sleep, and tomorrow, after I drop off Christopher at school, we're gonna have a long talk about how the hell you got those bruises and why some of them look days old."

"I can drop off Christopher tomorrow," Eddie protested.

Buck barked out a sharp laugh. "You really want him to see you like this? Again? Besides, you can barely walk, let alone drive anywhere. I'm taking him."

" _He's my son,_ " Eddie hissed at him.

Buck glared. "Did you think about your son when you were out doing god knows what with god knows who? Huh?"

Eddie deflated and looked down at his hands. He knew Buck was right, knew this was getting out of control, but it was his only relief at this point, the only way he could stop thinking, at least for a little while, since drinking was out of the question. He knew it was selfish, he did, but as long as he could control it, he saw no problem in it. Of course, considering how tonight was going, Eddie probably didn't have it under control. 

"Fine."

Buck made quick work of cleaning up his face and wrapping his ribs, and he was so silent through it all that it made Eddie uncomfortable. 

Once he was done, Buck silently handed him his shirt and left the bathroom. Eddie slowly wore his shirt and followed Buck out. He was surprised to find him leaning on the wall by the door. Eddie mirrored his position on the opposite wall and they stood like that, staring at each other, for the better part of a minute. 

"Where were you, Eddie?"

Eddie averted his gaze, and stared at a point by Buck's head. Buck sighed and shook his head, pushing himself off the wall. 

"I was in a fight."

Buck stpopped short, but didn't turn around. "A street fight. I go there a couple of times a week, sometimes more."

He turned around and Eddie braced himself for the anger, the judgment. He was surprised when he saw none of that; just concern and a little frustration. 

"Why?"

Eddie groaned and leaned his head back on the wall. He shook his head and bit back the angry words he wanted to say. "I'm not sure, man. everything was so messed up, and I was so fucking mad that I-" 

"Mad at what?"

"At the world. At myself self for being able to help Christopher. At you." He rolled his head towards him and watched as his words hit him like a punch. He didn't regret saying the words; he needed to be honest with him if they were ever getting anywhere. 

"Because of the lawsuit." 

Eddie nodded. "Christopher was having nightmares almost every night. Nightmares about his mom drowning in that tsunami, and when I needed to talk about it with someone, the one person I wanted to tell wasn't there. It drove me insane. I was so mad I could barely see straight."

Buck's eyes were red now, and they were filled with tears. "If I had known that was happening, I would've come for you. I would've dropped the suit in a heartbeat and I would've come for you. You know that, right? Tell me you know that." He was practically begging, and Eddie wanted nothing more than to lie to him and say that he did, just to erase the clear devastation that was written all over his face. But he couldn't lie to him, and he didn't want to. They needed to have this conversation, as hard as it was. 

"No, Buck, I didn't know that. It felt like the rug was pulled from under me, and I was just- it seemed like the only thing you cared about at the time was to get your job back."

Buck wiped away a couple of tears and turned away from him. "I just wanted to get _you_ guys back. And I was desperate enough to do anything. I didn't really think ahead."

Eddie nodded, smiling softly. "I know that now. But I didn't before."

He nodded. "I won't ever let you doubt it again," he promised fiercely. He stepped closer to him and surprised Eddie by pulling in for tender hug. He raised both his arms, even though it hurt, and hugged him back. "I know I said it a lot, but I'm really sorry, Eddie. You have no idea how much I hate that I wasn't there for you when you needed me to be."

"It's okay."

Buck shook his head. His hand came up to stroke the back of Eddie's head, and he unconsciously buried his head in the crook of Buck's neck. "It's not. Look at where my selfishness got us."

"This isn't on you, Buck."

He pulled away and stared at him incredulously. "How can you say that after what you just told me?"

"I chose to go to these stupid fights, and I chose to keep coming back. That's on me."

Buck sniffed and gave him a determined look. "Doesn't matter anymore. We're gonna fix this. You and I are gonna talk more tomorrow and we'll work this out."

Eddie smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Buck."

He returned his smile and put an arm around his shoulders, steering him out of the hallway. "Go to bed, okay? We'll talk tomorrow."

Eddie nodded, and before he got the chance to say anything else, he heard Christopher cry out for him. He made to rush to his son's room, but Buck stopped him. "What the hell, Buck?!"

"If he sees you like this, he'll freak out even more. Let me try first, will you?"

Eddie closed his eyes. Buck was right, he knew that. But admitting it, and letting someone else, even if it was Buck, comfort his son when he was asking for him, was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do. "Okay. Okay, Buck, just-"

His face softened in understanding. "I know, man. I know."

With that, he rushed to Christopher's room, and Eddie followed. He slid down against the wall of Christopher's bedroom, hoping he was close enough to hear what they were saying. 

"Bucky?"

"Yeah, kiddo?"

Christopher sniffed. "Why are you here? Is daddy okay?"

"Yeah, kiddo. He just had an emergency at work, so he had to be a little late. Are you okay?"

"I had a bad dream."

"Yeah? Do you want to talk about it?" 

There was a rustling of sheets as they both moved around. 

"You don't? Alright, what helps you fall asleep, then?" There was no answer from Christopher. "How about we just lay here until you fall asleep?"

"I don't want to sleep." Eddie closed his eyes and rested his head back on the wall. Christopher sounded so scared.

"Why not?"

"I want to wait for daddy to come home."

There was a few seconds of silence. "Chris, was your bad dream about your dad?"

Eddie held his breath as he waited for the little boy's answer. But it never came. 

"Oh, Chris," he heard Buck say. He sounded heartbroken. Eddie couldn't help it, he snuck a look inside and saw them both on the bed, holding each other tightly. The tears came when he heard his son's soft cries and he stood up, unable to take it anymore. Buck, when he saw him, shook his head frantically. "Hey, buddy, how about I call your dad, huh?" Eddie stilled, and Buck kept Christopher's head buried in his chest as he signalled for him to leave the room. Eddie did so reluctantly. "You can talk to him, so you can make sure he's okay. How does that sound?"

"Good."

"Yeah? I'll just go get my phone, okay?"

"Aha."

Buck left the room in a hurry, and basically dragged him into the living room. He hugged him, quick and gentle, but tight enough that it was comforting. "Breathe," Buck whispered in his ear. He tried, but found that he couldn't let out the breath he'd been holding. "Eddie," Buck snapped, tightening his arms around him, "fucking breathe. He's okay, we're okay. Just breathe."

Buck pulled away and rested his forehead on Eddie's. He exaggerated his breathing, silently telling Eddie to follow his lead. Eddie, not surprisingly, did. Once Buck deemed his breathing regular enough, he let him go and hurriedly left the room. 

"Eddie?"

He startled, and when he saw Carla at his elbow, he relaxed a little. God, he'd thought she left. And he hadn't even noticed her when they came into the room. 

"You okay, honey?"

Buck came rushing into the room. He handed Eddie his phone, then put a hand to his neck and squeezed. "I'm gonna call you in a second. I put it on silent, so he won't hear the ringtone, okay?"

He nodded and stiffened a sob. "Buck, I can't. I need to be there. I need to hold him."

"I know. I know, but he had a dream that you were hurt. If he sees you like this, it'll be a lot worse than him not seeing you at all, okay? Just breathe, Eddie. We'll get through this."

"Okay," he whispered.

Buck nodded at him and then left. Not a minute later, his phone rang. Eddie answered on the second ring, and tried to sound as cheerful as he could. "Hey, Christopher!"

His son giggled, and his heart swelled. "How'd you know it was me?"

Eddie cursed his stupidity and tried to come up with a lie. Buck saved him the trouble. "I texted him that you wanted to talk to him, before I called."

He spent about fifteen minutes talking to his son, reassuring him that he was safe and when he heard him slur his words, he knew he had to let him go. "I love you, little man."

"Love you too, dad."

He hung up, and a second later the tears came, and he found himself crying silently into Carla's shoulder. She didn't say anything, just held him and rocked him softly. "I'm a terrible father."

"You're the farthest from that, do you hear me?" She basically peeled him off her shoulder and held him at an arm's length. "You are a good father, and you're allowed to mess up once in a blue moon, alright?" You love that kid, anyone can see that, and he loves you. As long as you've got that, the rest don't matter as much."

He wiped away his tears and sniffed, nodding at her. "You're right."

"I always am," she told him with a smirk, and he let out a wet chuckle. "You know, I'm glad you and Buck worked things out. I mean, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife," she continued with a laugh. 

He chocked on nothing, and laughed nervously. "What?!"

"You and Buck? You are together, right?" She asked slowly. 

Eddie sighed and laughed weakly. "We're really not. He's just a good friend. A better one than I deserve."

"You have got to be kidding me," she told him incredulously. "You'r serious?!" 

"Yeah, Carla. There's nothing there."

"What I just saw was not nothing, and it sure as hell wasn't 'just friends' either, Eddie."

He stood up and walked away from her. "Carl's, please, just- I don't want to talk about this, okay? Not now, and hopefully not ever."

"Alright, Eddie, whatever you say." She packed up her things and he walked her to the door."Do you need me tomorrow?"

"No, it's Buck's day off."

She raised an eyebrow pointedly, and he rolled his eyes. "Goodnight, Carla."

.

Just as Eddie sat down on the couch, Buck emerged from Christopher's bedroom. Eddie watched his every step, hyperaware of every move he made. Buck sat down next to him, so close their arms and thighs were practically glued together. "Hey," he said quietly. 

"Hi."

"How are you doing, Eddie?"

"I don't know, Buck. I don't know how I'm ever gonna forgive myself for this. I've been so selfish with him."

"You have been, I won't lie to you. But you once told me that you loved the kid enough to never stop trying to do right by him, and as long as that's true, then he'll be okay."

"You really think so?"

"I know so. If my dad had been half the man you are, I would've turned out a hell of a lot better, let me tell you," Buck told him with a laugh. He said it easily, like he was talking about the weather. Eddie's heart broke for him.

"Buck, I'm sorry."

He waved him off. "I'm over it, Eddie, seriously."  
  
Eddie nodded. He didn't believe him, but he allowed him to think that he did. "Thank you. For being here, for what you did tonight. You did more for Christopher and I than anyone else would have."

Buck shook his head, a bashful smile on his face. "You don't have to thank me. I want to be here, Eddie."

They shared another smile and an easy silence. Eddie broke it by asking if Buck wanted to watch a movie and got an enthusiastic yes. He made popcorn while Buck set up the movie, and all the while, he kept thinking about how right this felt. Buck being here, with him and Christopher. Him staying over to watch a movie, and taking Christopher to school on his off days. The thought alone filled him with warmth. 

Eddie, realizing where his thoughts were headed, shook them off. There was no use in thinking about it. He knew Buck wasn't attracted to him, because if there was one thing he knew about the other man, it was that he couldn't keep his attraction to someone a secret. And so far, there was no indication from him that he regarded Eddie as anything more than a friend. And Eddie wasn't about to create unnecessary awkwardness between them unless he was one hundred percent sure Buck felt the same way about him.

Eddie took a deep breath, and took the popcorn to the livingroom. The moment he saw him, Buck started rambling about the plot of the movie, which completely went over his head. He smiled and nodded in all the right places, his certainty that he would never get over this man solidifying with every passing second. 

4\. Zoo worker

"We're going to the zoo," Buck announced as he slapped a hand on the table and sat in the chair opposite Eddie.

Eddie raised an eyebrow and set his phone down. "We?"

Buck nodded enthusiastically. "You, me and Chris. You know how obsessed he is with horses lately? Well, there's, like, a special event at the zoo tomorrow where they teach kids how to ride!"

Eddie smiled sadly. "Buck, he won't be able to ride, you know-"

Buck's face fell and he was already shaking his head before he could finish. "You really think I wouldn't have thought of that? I already called and asked them, Eddie."

He merely stared at him. Sometimes, Eddie wondered how Buck was even real. How could someone be so good and kind, so _decent_? He was going out of his way to spend time with them, planning days like this, and he genuinely loved his son. There were not enough words in the world to describe how happy that made him feel. He looked down and shook his head with a smile. How was he supposed to ignore his feelings for him when Buck kept doing things like that?

"So, what do you say?" Buck asked anxiously.

Eddie grinned. "Okay, yeah."

Buck jumped up from the chair, grinning from ear to ear, and clapped him on the shoulder. "Tomorrow's gonna be awesome!"

.

"Christopher, you got everything?"

Christopher nodded seriously, then grinned at Eddie excitedly. "I can't believe I'm going to ride a horse, dad! Did you know horses-"

And that was how they spent the next ten minutes while they waited for Buck to get there; Christopher rattling off everything he knew about horses, and Eddie listening attentively. 

"Hey, you two!"

Eddie and Christopher got into his jeep. When he was buckled in, Christopher reached forward about the same time Buck turned back to face him and they high-fived. It was a practiced move and it pleased Eddie to no end to see how used to each other they were. "You guys ready?"

"Yeah!" Christopher answered excitedly. 

"He's been excited about it since yesterday, I barely managed to convince him to sleep last night," Eddie told him quietly. 

Buck grinned, obviously pleased with himself, and Eddie smiled fondly at him. He still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Buck really wanted to spend so much time with them. He saw him a lot at work, and for Buck to want to spend even more time with not just him, but Christopher, too was so surreal. 

"You okay?"

Eddie shook his head, then answered verbally when he saw Buck's attention was directed on driving and he wasn't looking at him. "Fine, just thinking."

"Well, don't hurt yourself, Eddie."

Christopher laughed and Buck chuckled af his own joke. 

He rolled his eyes and huffed. "Ha ha." He twisted around in his seat and mock glared at Christopher. "You're laughing at me?! My own son!"

Christopher giggled. "Sorry, daddy."

.

When they got to the zoo, it was packed. Eddie checked that they had everything, and realized he forgot his phone in the car. He took the car keys from Buck and left the two waiting for him by the entrance. 

When he got back, he found Buck crouched down, his back to Eddie, and talking to Christopher. He didn't manage to hear everything, but since Buck was talking loudly in order for Chris to hear him over the ruckus of the other people around, he managed to hear enough to gather that Buck was basically laying out the ground rules. He actually needed a minute to pull himself together, to reign in the impulse to just haul him up into his arms and kiss him. What Buck was doing was something that Eddie, and any parent worth their salt, did when they took out their kids. And it seemed genuine, and effortless, like he did it without having to think about it. Christopher was listening to him as if this was a common occurrence, too, as if he was expecting it. 

And he thought, not for the first time, of how much he wanted him. This kind, generous man, who had come into his life, into his son's life, and made it so much brighter. Having him in any shape or form was a blessing, but Eddie was a greedy man, and having him so close, yet not being able to touch him the way he wanted to, not being able to kiss him, to wake up next to him was a type of torture that was becoming way too familiar. 

"Dad!"

Eddie walked closer and Buck got up, giving him a small smile. Eddie ruffled his son's hair and they all walked in together.

"So, the riding lessons start in an hour. I was thinking we can see the other animals until then?"

"Sounds good. What do you think, Christopher?"

Christopher nodded eagerly. "I want to see the Penguins! There are Penguins, right, Buck?"

Buck nodded. "Yup. In a petting zoo!"

Christopher was practically buzzing at this point, and Eddie just barely managed not to laugh at how excited he seemed. "Let's go now."

Buck and Christopher skipped ahead of him, and Eddie wondered who was more excited; Buck or Chris. 

They spent a good twenty minutes in the petting zoo, and then they just walked around until it was time for the riding lesson. 

When they got to the small, makeshift stable, Eddie looked down at Christopher and was surprised to see the nervous look on his face. He and Buck shared a look and both crouched down in front of him.

"You okay, kiddo?"

Christopher nodded, head down, and Eddie could tell he was scared. 

"You know you don't have to do this, right?" Eddie asked gently. Christopher looked up at him, but didn't say anything. 

"I want to," Christopher whispered. 

"But?"

"They're scary," he whispered, stealing a look at Buck, then looking away quickly. Eddie knew from that look that Christopher was worried about what Buck thought, and that he might have disappointed him.

"You know, when I was a kid, my dad took me to riding lessons, too," Buck began softly, ducking his head a little in order to catch Christopher's eyes. Once they locked eyes, he continued, "at first, I was really scared, too. But once you're up there, trust me, it's the best thing ever."

"Are you sure it's not scary?"

"It is for a little bit, but we'll be there, and you'll have so much fun."

Christopher hesitated. "What if it's still scary?"

"Then we'll leave," Buck told him firmly. "And it's not something you want to try now, Chris, we can go right now."

Christopher, his brave boy, nodded and went ahead. Eddie clutched Buck's arm. "Thank you for that."

Buck shook his head. "Nothing to thank me for, man."

There was plenty he could thank him for, but they didn't have the time to get into that particular argument, so Eddie let it go. Christopher asked for Buck to go with him, since he knew how to ride. Eddie was not a petty person, but he did feel a stab of jealousy at the thought of his son choosing Buck over him. The thought was erased when, ten minutes later, he was watching as Buck calmly walked alongside Christopher, a hand on his knee as he pointed things out to him. Christopher seemed to gradually relax and actually started to enjoy himself. He took a few videos, some a few minutes long, and some less. His favorite was the one where Buck tripped, and only managed to keep from falling by doing some very hilarious fumbling around. The video ended when Buck straightened up and glared at him and Eddie started laughing so hard he dropped the phone. 

Once the lesson was over, a woman came up to him. "Hi!"

He smiled at her, a little confused. "You're Chris' father, right?"

He nodded. 

"I'm Bonnie Gilbert, I own the West Creek stables near here. We just recently started offering riding lessons for kids with disabilities, and I was wondering if you wanted to sign him up for some more? He seemed to really like it."

"So the lessons aren't here?"

The woman shook her head. "This is just like a test run, you know? To see if people would like the idea. So, would you be interested?"

"I'm gonna have to talk to Christopher first, but I think he'll like it."

She beamed at him, and extended her card. "Here's our card." He heard Christopher laugh and saw him and Buck making their way to them. "Oh, and we took a few pictures of everyone, if you want them. The ones of your son and boyfriend are adorable."

Eddie swallowed. "Boyfriend?"

She frowned, then her eyes widened. "Is he your husband?! I'm so sorry, I didn't see a ring, so I assumed-"

"Buck is a friend," he interrupted her, his face hot.

She looked at him incredulously, and tried to cover her disbelief with a smile. "Oh! I'm sorry-"

He shook his head. "It's fine."

She cleared her throat. "Well, ahh...do you still want the pictures?"

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I do."

She nodded. "I'll go print them out for you. I'll just be a few seconds."

Buck and Christopher got there just as she left. 

"Hey! How was it?"

"Really fun, dad! I loved it so much."

He and Buck were wearing matching beaming grins, and the ache in Eddie's chest grew even more. He ignored it in favor of smiling at his son. "That's good. Would you want to do it again?"

Christopher nodded eagerly, and Eddie nodded. "Alright then, I'll go talk to that woman," he pointed to where the Ms. Gilbert was, "about the arrangements, alright?"

"You guys okay to stay here while I talk to her?" He asked Buck.

Buck nodded immediately. "Yeah, sure."

"Okay."

Ten minutes later, he had two envelopes in his hand. The first one had all the information about the stables and the lessons and their schedules. The second one had the printed pictures, so he opened it and took them out. Ms. Gilbert was right, the pictures were adorable. In the first one, Christopher looked really scared, one hand was holding the reign, the other was squeezing Buck's hand, which was on his knee. The way Christopher was looking at Buck blew him away; because it was how he looked at him when he was scared. There was fear there, yes, but there was also this unconditional trust that he would protect him. 

The second one was of the both of them beaming at each other, Christopher looking much more relaxed.

The third one was Eddie's favorite. Christopher had both his hands on the reigns, smiling so widely Eddie was sure his cheeks must have hurt. And Buck was about two feet away, watching Christopher with the softest smile Eddie had ever seen on his face. 

He went back to his son and his best friend, and he showed them the pictures. Buck snatched the one where they were smiling at each other and examined it, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "I want this one," he declared.

Eddie smiled. "Alright."

Buck gave it back to him for safe keeping and he put them in Christopher's backbag. They spent the rest of the day together; ate lunch, watched a movie, and then had dinner. Eddie honestly didn't want the day to end, dreaded it in fact. He hated it when they each went their separate ways, hated not being able to just ask him to stay with them.

When they got home, Eddie was surprised when Buck didn't just drive off and actually walked them to the door, carrying Christopher's bag while Eddie carried his sleeping son. Eddie struggled to get the keys out of his pocket with one hand, so Buck secured the bag on his shoulder and motioned for Eddie. "Give him to me," he said quietly. 

They deftly maneuvered him, and seconds later, Eddie had his hands free to look for the keys. He unlocked the door, and instead of giving Christopher back, Buck just went in and took him to his room. Eddie watched as he put him in bed and and covered him, then kissed his forehead. 

"Night, Chris," he said softly. He got up and quietly closed the door, and then they were facing each other in the hall, with virtually no space between them. It should've been awkward, but it wasn't. There was _no room_ for awkwardness, since all Eddie could feel was an overwhelming need to close the remaining space between them and kiss the other man. 

He felt himself lean in, despite his head screaming at him not to, and saw Buck do the same. Buck's phone ringing was like a bucket of cold water, and they sprang away from each other. Eddie took the opportunity to bolt and went into the kitchen to silently freak out while Buck answered. 

He tried to take some deep breaths, and cursed his stupidity. He couldn't believe he'd been so close to kissing Buck. _He had leaned in too,_ the thought was jarring and he pushed it away. He couldn't actually be sure that had happened; maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him, giving him the hope he so desperately needed. And even if it had happened, he couldn't be sure it was something Buck actually wanted and not just something that he did in the heat of the moment. 

Buck cleared his throat and when Eddie looked at him, he smiled nervously. He opened his mouth to say something, and Eddie panicked and didn't give him a chance to. 

"I'll walk you out." 

He avoided looking at him, just walked past him and headed to the door. He heard Buck's quiet steps behind him and closed his eyes, hoping to god that he didn't just ruin things between them. Buck slipped past him and offered up a quiet goodnight. 

Eddie smiled and hesitantly clapped him on the shoulder, trying to act like nothing happened, like he hadn't almost crossed a line a few minutes ago. He felt the muscles under his hand relax and knew he'd done the right thing. 

Buck smiled back, though it wasn't his usual bright smile. "See you tomorrow?"

"Of course."

Eddie closed the door and leaned against it, swallowing hard. The next couple of days would be hard to navigate, he was sure, but he was almost certain they would come out of this okay. 

He wouldn't accept anything else.  
.

5\. Eddie's buddies

"Are you sure this is okay, man? They wanted to catch up with you, not meet a complete stranger."

Eddie rolled his eyes. "We had plans, Buck. I wasn't going to cancel on you. Plus, they're a pretty laid back bunch, you'll be fine."

Eddie's buddies from the army had planned a reunion, and had threatened him with bodily harm if he didn't make it. He and Buck had planned on going out for drinks themselves, and Eddie hadn't wanted to cancel on him, especially since things were just starting to go back to normal after that night about two weeks ago. Buck had assured him it was fine, but Eddie hadn't listened and bullied him into joining him. He knew they would love him, but it was hard to get Buck to actually believe that.

To no one's surprise, within ten minutes, Buck was having an enthusiastic conversation with Landon, the youngest of the group. Eddie was pulled into a conversation with Mark and Jake, although he couldn't help but be distracted by the other two people on the table. They seemed to be hitting it off almost too well, and every time he looked over, he noticed Landon sitting closer to Buck than he had been before. He realised with a jolt, about half an hour into the night, that the building anger he was feeling wasn't actually anger; it was jealousy. Knowing Landon was gay didn't help any. 

Buck got up to get them more drinks, and Landon enthusiastically followed after him, leaning down to whisper into Eddie's ear. "Dude, thank you for bringing him. I mean, damn, where have you been hiding this guy?" Eddie gave him a fake smile and tried to school his features into something resembling normal. 

He watched them at the bar, smiling and standing close, and quickly turned his head before he did something stupid. Jake cleared his throat pointedly. "What?" Eddie asked with a frown. 

"You want to tell us what that was about?" 

Edie took a large gulp of his beer. "What?"

"Landon has been flirting with your boyfriend since we got here, and you haven't done a thing about it," Jake told him. Eddie chocked on the beer, and Mark thumped him, a little too enthusiastically, on the back. 

"He is not my boyfriend," Eddie chocked out, coughing again, "and you know Landon wouldn't be hitting on him if he was." He moved away from Mark when he raised his hand again and glared at him.

"Fuckbuddy?"

Eddie's eyes widened. " _No_. _He's just a friend,_ " he hissed at them.

They shared a look. "Nah," they said simultaneously. They were always like that; it was almost like they shared a brain. 

"Yeah," Eddie countered. 

Mark put his elbows on the table and leaned close. "You two walk and sit way too close to each other," he said and held up a finger.

Jake nodded. "You spent too much time smiling at each other for no reason."

Mark pointed at him, as if to say 'good point', and added, "you spent way too much time watching him and Landon, and you were looking pretty murderous whenever they got really close."

Eddie was sure his face was redder than a tomatoe by now, and he avoided their eyes and started peeling away the label on his beer bottle. "There's nothing going on between us," he told them quietly. 

Mark sighed and clapped him on the shoulder. "But you want there to be, don't you?"

Eddie answered their question with a question of his own. "Why are you okay with this?"

Jake rolled his eyes. "'Cause we're not assholes, that's why."

"Mark, what the hell," Eddie said, rubbing his arm where Mark pinched him. 

"That was for assuming we're homophobic, you asshole."

"Plus, we all knew from the minute we met him that Landon was gay, it never bothered us."

"That was different," Eddie protested. "I never knew if you guys were okay with it or just ignoring it. You never asked about his love life, not like you did with the other guys."

"That's because the first time we did ask after we found out, he looked about ready to throw up! We didn't have a problem with it; _he did_."

"Oh."

Jake rolled his eyes. "Yeah, oh."

Buck and Landon came back with their drinks, and to his surprise, Landon stayed a good distance away from Buck for the rest of the night. They still joked around, but Landon didn't laugh as hard at Buck's jokes, and didn't really touch him all that much. He shared a bewildered look with Jake and Mark, who had apparently also noticed the difference. When Buck got up to use the restroom, Mark and Jake both turned to Landon with a glint in their eyes. "What happened there, Lando?"

Landon shrugged. "He's not interested. I mean, I kinda noticed from the get go, but I thought he was just shy."

"What do you mean you noticed from the get go?" Eddie blurted out. 

The kid sighed. "He gave off the vibes."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Talk like a normal human being."

"It means he's not interested in me, because he's interested in someone else." Eddie felt both dread and hope at the words.

"Maybe he's just not into guys," Jake suggested, his eyes apologetic as he looked at Eddie. His heart sank; he hadn't wanted to hear those words spoken aloud, even though he'd told himself the same thing over and over as he ignored their almost kiss.

Landon laughed. "Oh please, that boy is definitely into guys. He was checking us all out when he got here- it didn't last long, though," he turned to Eddie with a devilish smirk on his face, "- he seemed to have eyes only for _someone_ here."

Eddie rolled his eyes. "You're seeing things," he informed him, "-Lando."

Landon glared at him. "Landon. It's Landon. Just one more letter, you heathens." They all laughed at his expense, and Eddie was finally able to relax. He took Landon's words with a grain of salt, mainly because he tended to follow a 'gay until proven otherwise' policy, but he'd be lying if he said it didn't give him hope. 

They didn't stay much longer after that, opting to leave early. Landon called them old men and practically skipped to the dance floor. Eddie shook his head with a laugh. 

Before he and Buck could leave, Mark pulled him aside. "Listen, man, you've got a chance to be really happy here, okay? Don't be a scared little shit and talk to the guy."

He shook his head. "I don't want to lose him, Mark. At least now I have him in my life. I'd rather have him as a-"

"Shut up."

Eddie snapped his mouth shut and raised an eyebrow at his friend. Mark was one of the most cool and collected people he knew; he'd never seen him so worked up. 

"Trust me when I tell you that that is bullshit. I was in your exact same position, once upon a time. I was in love with this girl who was my only friend, but I never told her even though I knew she liked me back. She waited for so long, man. She dropped hints, she turned down so many dates and _told me about it_ , but I was a stupid bastard and I kept convincing myself that I might lose her for good if we didn't work out. Ask me what happened, Eddie."

Eddie cleared his throat in an effort to keep his voice from breaking. "What happened?"

"She got tired of waiting, and she met somebody else. You know what also happened?"

Eddie shook his head, and he wanted nothing more than to just get out of here. Because he didn't want to hear this. He wanted to keep fooling himself into thinking that he was doing the right thing. Mark stepped closer to him and jabbed him in the chest. "I still fucking lost her. I showed up to her wedding drunk out of my mind and her dad and brothers had to throw me out. I haven't seen her since."

Mark looked away and roughly wiped away the tears from his eyes. "I still love that girl more than anything, and I would do anything to go back and take one of the billion chances she gave me, even if I knew for certain that things wouldn't work out between us."

Eddie shook his head. "I'm sorry, man."

Mark shrugged and smiled ruefully. "It was a long time ago, but listen," he put both his hands on Eddie's shoulders and looked him in the eyes, "you have a fucking good chance to avoid the fucking hell I went through. Talk to him; you won't lose him and even if you did, it'll be better than having to watch him be with someone else. You won't be able to handle it, even though you think you will, trust me on that."

"I'm scared, man."

Mark smiled and shrugged as if it was no big deal. "Do it anyway."  
.

They'd chosen to walk here, considering the bar was close to Eddie's house, and from there, Buck would drive home. 

He regretted that choice immensely, because everytime he looked at Buck, he remembered Mark's words. He wanted to follow his advice, he really did, but he was torn. Part of him wanted to just say screw it and pour his heart out to Buck, but the other, more rational part of him wanted him to wait and think this through, because whatever Buck's answer was, it would change his, and consequently Christopher's, life.

Still, as they were getting closer to his house, Eddie felt like he needed to at least test the waters.

He cleared his throat. "So?" 

Buck looked at him in confusion. "So, what?"

"Did you like them? Did you have fun?" 

He nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, they're awesome."

He took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. "Landon said he asked you out and you turned him down. I hope that didn't make you uncomfortable."

Buck just shrugged. "Why would it?"

Eddie felt off balance; he didn't really have an answer that didn't involve him basically admitting that he was fishing for information. So he just mimicked him and shrugged.

"He wasn't mad, right?" Buck asked worriedly. 

Eddie shook his head with a smile. "Nah, you're fine."

 _Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't_ fucking _ask._

"Why'd you turn him down? Not interested?" He aimed for casual and probably missed by a mile.

Buck looked at him and seemed to search his face, for what, Eddie didn't know. Then he sighed and looked away. "Oh, I was interested," he replied easily, like he hadn't just come out to Eddie, and there went his heart, nearly beating out of his chest. "But, he's not interested in a relationship, and I am. I didn't just want a meaningless hookup, you know? I want something real." The way Buck said it, the way he was looking at him made it seem like the words were meant for him. He seemed nervous, but was looking at him steadily. 

Now was his chance, but Eddie didn't know what to do. This was unfamiliar territory and it sucked. Was he supposed to blurt out his feelings just like that? What if this was just his imagination playing tricks on him again? 

He must've taken too long to say something, because Buck sighed in disappointment and shook his head, turning to leave. 

Eddie cursed his overthinking and caught his wrist before he walked away. "Buck, wait-"

"For what, Eddie? I'm just- I'm tired of this and I think I need to just take a step back-"

Eddie panicked. "No!"

Buck frowned. Eddie tried to take in a few deep breaths to regulate his breathing and closed his eyes. He could feel Buck's eyes on him but he ignored it for now.

"Eddie, are you okay?"

"I'm not sure," he answered honestly. 

"Talk to me," he pleaded with him, and the look on his face was so hopeful that Eddie couldn't refuse him.

Eddie pursed his lips. "You have no idea how much I want to do that, Buck. But, I'm terrified." The last word came out as a whisper, and his shoulders tensed.

"Of what?"

The words burst out of him, and he was powerless to stop them. "Of losing you! Of losing what we have now, because I got greedy and I wanted more. I'm terrified of saying the wrong thing and screwing everything up. I want to tell you, I want to say it so bad I can hardly breathe sometimes."

Buck looked stunned, and the longer Eddie talked, the more that surprise faded and was replaced by understanding. He stepped closer to him, wiping his hands on his jeans and looking nervous as hell. "Then let me," he told him quietly. 

"What?" He breathed out.

"Let me say it." His words were shaky, but that didn't stop him from continuing. "I want to be with you, Eddie." 

Eddie's breath caught. This felt like a dream. 

"I've wanted you for so long now, but I always found an excuse to not say anything; probably the same excuses you thought of. But deep down, I know that the real reason was simple; I was protecting myself. I'm so tired of people leaving me, Eddie, and the thought of losing you, and Christopher, just because I couldn't suck it up and keep my mouth shut? That was unacceptable to me."

Eddie's shoulders slumped in relief. "You wouldn't have lost me."

"I had no way of knowing that."

Eddie nodded. "You've got a point. Neither of us could've known."

They both took a step forward at the same time, moving closer to each other. Buck leaned down so that his head rested on Eddie's. "We've wasted so much time," he whispered regretfully. 

"We've got plenty more," Eddie told him just as quietly. They gravitated towards each other, standing so close there wasn't even a silver of space between them. When he kissed him, it felt like he was taking a full breath for the first time in years. His hands wrapped around Buck, resting at his sides, just beneath his ribcage, and he used that grip to pull him closer. Buck stumbled into him but steadied himself by putting both his hands on his chest. Eddie pulled away from the kiss slowly, regretfully. If it weren't for his need to breath, he would've kept kissing Buck forever. Buck's eyes darted all over his face, as if to make sure it was really him, that this was actually happening and when their eyes locked, he gave him the most breathtaking smile. 

Eddie moved in for another kiss, but Buck beat him to it. He gave him a quick peck, but shook his head when he wanted to deepen it. Eddie barely managed to keep from pouting. "What?"

Buck laughed. "I don't know if you've noticed, but we're not exactly alone-" he said, motioning toward the people scattered around, "-and if we don't stop now, we'll be giving the people a show."

Eddie gave an exaggerated put upon sigh and disentangled himself from him. It was awkward for a second after that, with both of them just starting at each other. But then Buck took his hand in his and started walking. Eddie stared at their linked hands for the better part of a minute, and only when he managed to drag his eyes away did he see that Buck was looking at him, smile wide and giddy. He laced his fingers through his and kissed the underside of his jaw. "Thank you," he told him quietly. 

"What for?"

"For having the guts to do what I've been wanting to for a long time now."

Buck smirked. "Exactly how long is a long time?"

Eddie avoided his gaze, and cleared his throat nervously. 

"Eddie? How long?"

"Since you got hurt."

Buck snorted. "Which time?"

Eddie rolled his eyes, pushed him away with his free hand, then used the hand he had in his to pull him back in, closer than he had been. "The truck."

Buck stopped dead in his tracks. "What? Eddie, you're serious?"

Eddie nodded. 

"You're actually serious?!"

Buck stared laughing and Eddie raised an eyebrow at him. "Why are you laughing?Are you making fun of me?"

Buck shook his head with a laugh, then pulled Eddie into a hug. "I'm laughing because of how ridiculous we both are." Keeping his arms wrapped around Eddie, he pulled his head back just enough to look him in the eye. 

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," he dragged out the word and started walking again, obviously avoiding Eddie's eyes.

"You mean?" He prompted him.

Buck sighed. "You are not letting this go, are you?" Eddie shook his head with a grin. "I mean, I've wanted this for so long I can't remember a time when I didn't." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah."

He leaned in to kiss him, and Eddie kissed him back. It was significantly shorter than their first one, and when Eddie pulled back, he shook his head and gave Buck a look. "I don't know if you've noticed, but we're not exactly alone."

Buck rolled his eyes and let go of him completely, walking ahead at a fast pace. Eddie laughed and jogged over to him. When Buck ignored him, he ducked under his arm, a bit awkwardly considering they were close to each other in height. Buck laughed and adjusted them and dropped a kiss to his head. 

It felt natural, familiar in a way that shocked him, given the fact they'd just gotten together less than thirty minutes ago.

That was how they spent the walk home; walking close together, in comfortable silence, sneaking looks at each other when one thought the other wasn't looking, Buck's arms around his shoulders and his around his waist. 

It felt right in a way not many things did in his life, and Eddie couldn't be happier.

6\. Abby 

They decided to keep their relationship a secret for a little while, agreeing that they needed to test the waters first, get used to each other and to the change at their own pace. Surprisingly, things didn't change all that much, apart from the fact that they kissed whenever they could now. They hadn't done much more than kissing, knowing they needed to take things slow. That didn't mean that it didn't frustrate them, but they knew it was necessary. Eddie was willing to wait, if it meant he got to be with Buck. 

"Eddie!"

Eddie smiled, and looked behind him. He watched Buck make his way to him, obviously in a hurry and looking around. Eddie knew what was coming and smirked at him. "Hmm?" 

Buck pushed him up against the truck, and Eddie put his hands on either side of his neck. He used that grip to pull him down and Buck came willingly. They kissed once, twice and then a third time. Eddie pulled back with a laugh. "Someone could walk in any minute now."

Buck waved him off dismissively. "You free tonight?"

Eddie nodded. "Yeah, Christopher is sleeping over at abuela's. She says she misses him."

Buck's eyes widened, and he seemed to get what Eddie was implying with his words. 

"What did you have in mind?" Eddie asked casually.

Buck cleared his throat. "I was thinking I could cook you dinner?"

Eddie nodded. "And after?"

Buck's nervousness was all but gone now and he stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Eddie's waist. "After, maybe you could spend the night?"

Eddie smirked and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's neck. "Sounds good," he whispered.

Buck leaned down to kiss him, but Eddie dodged his lips with a chuckle. "I think we've tried our luck enough today."

Buck groaned, and buried his face in his neck. "Remind me again why we agreed to not tell anyone?" 

"Because we wanted to make sure this is the right move for us?"

Buck lifted his face and straightened up. "I'm sure now, " he said, pointing a finger at his own chest. "You?"

On the surface, it seemed almost casual, but Eddie could tell that Buck was nervous. He smiled gently and reached for him again. He placed a kiss on the underside of his jaw. "I'm sure, too, Buck. I'd love to tell everyone about this," he took his hand in his and laced their fingers, "I just needed you to be sure too."

Buck grinned, wide and happy, and Eddie laughed when he bent down to kiss him again. "You do know even if we tell everyone we won't be able to make out whenever we feel like it, right?"

Buck raised an eyebrow. "No?"

Eddie shook his head, biting down a smile. 

"Says who?" He whispered against his lips. 

Eddie swallowed and pulled away slightly. "Buck, you really need to stop."

"Why?" There was a glint in his eyes, dark and full of want. Eddie felt what little control he had slip away, and dragged him closer. He flipped their position, Buck now the one with his back against the truck. Eddie leaned down and wiped the smirk off his face with a kiss. Buck moaned loudly, most likely on purpose because he knew the sound drove Eddie crazy, and pulled him even closer. Just as Eddie began to unbutton Buck's shirt, they heard Hen call out for them. They sprang apart, both trying to make themselves presentable. He tucked his shirt in, watched Buck do the same and helped him button up his shirt. 

Hen peeked around the truck and eyed them suspiciously, her eyebrows raised. "What are you two doing here?"

"Nothing," they answered simultaneously, avoiding each other's eyes. 

"Uh huh," Hen said, unconvinced, then shrugged. "Cap made lunch, you two wanna join?"

"Yeah, I'm starving."

Eddie rolled his eyes, smiling fondly. "You're always starving."

"Ha ha."

Hen laughed and headed away, and they were alone again. They collapsed against each other and laughed quietly. "Damn, that was close," Buck whispered. 

Eddie nodded and chuckled. "Yeah. No more making out at the station," he told him firmly.

Buck nodded. "Sure."

"I mean it, Buck."

"I know."

"I do," he insisted. 

Buck just smirked again, looking him up and down in a way that made him hot all over. It must have showed because Buck chuckled.

"Aha, sure, Eddie." 

Eddie vowed then and there that he would not kiss him in the station again, if just to prove his point.

(He tried, he really did. But he only lasted a day. Barely)

.

When their shift ended, they drove to the grocery store to get the things Buck needed for dinner. Eddie teased him relentlessly about how unprepared he was, how late dinner would be when he was already starving. Buck was doing a great job of ignoring him, but he could see the beginning of a smile on his face. 

On their way over, Eddie saw a car on the side of the road, with a woman sitting beside it, looking defeated. He couldn't make out her features all that well. He told Buck and he immediately pulled over. 

Eddie got out first and went over. "Hey, do you need any help?"

The woman looked up and smiled tiredly. The smile fell off her face and was replaced by shock only a few seconds later. "Buck?" She whispered. 

"Abby?"

She got up, dusted herself off and advanced nervously toward Buck, who seemed rooted to the spot. Eddie felt dread pool in his stomach. Could it be that Buck still wasn't over Abby? Was he still in love with her?

"Hi, Buck," she said when she was standing in front of him. She was looking up at him with a soft, fond look that made Eddie want to punch something. "How have you been?"

Buck shook his head, then smiled slowly. "Good. How have you been?"

"Good. Great, actually. When did you get back?"

She looked down, before looking back at him, the nervousness back. "A few months ago."

Buck raised an eyebrow. "A few months ago," he repeated slowly. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Abby just shrugged. "With the way I left things, I didn't think you would want to know."

Buck shook his head. "You really believe that?"

She shrugged again. 

Eddie felt like an intruder, and he felt sick to his stomach. Buck was looking at her the same way he had once looked at Shannon; with betrayal and anger but a hint of fondness was there, too. Right now, he just wished the ground would swallow him whole.

"Shit, I forgot to introduce you! Abby, this is Eddie Diaz. Eddie, this is Abby."

Eddie shook her hand on autopilot and he wondered if that was it. Was that how he was going to introduce him to Abby, his _ex-girlfrien_ d? Was he not going to tell her who Eddie was to him? He stared at Buck, long and hard, and shook his head when he sent him a questioning look. 

He looked down at his watch and cursed, making both Abby and Eddie look at him questioningly. "We're gonna be late. Abby, what can we help you with here?" 

"I don't know what happened, really. It just broke down in the middle of the road."

Buck nodded and then pulled Eddie to the side. "You okay? I"m sorry we're gonna get dinner a bit later than planned, but we can't just leave her here, right?"

Eddie just nodded. 

Buck frowned. "You okay?"

"Fine," he answered shortly. 

"Alright," Buck said loudly, "I'm gonna take a look now. Dis you call for a two truck, Abby?"

"I did. Said they'd be a while."

Buck nodded and opened the hood of car, ducking underneath it. Eddie should be helping him, since he was better at this than Buck, but he could get himself to move. 

Abby cleared her throat from beside him, and he looked to the side to find her staring at him with a small smile. "So, how long have you two been together?"

Eddie raised an eyebrow. "How'd you know?"

"The way he looks at you, the way he acts around you."

Eddie ignored the implication of the words and answered her question. "A week." 

She made a noise of surprise, and he barely managed to keep himself from glaring at her. He struggled to keep quiet, honestly just ready for the conversation to end, but she wasn't feeling the same way apparently. 

"From the way you two were acting, it seemed like more than a one week thing."

"We work together."

She frowned. "Really? I thought I met everyone in his team."

"I started shortly after you left." It was pretty, but he was satisfied to see her flinch at the mention of her leaving. 

"Oh." She breathed in deeply and was quiet for a few seconds. "How is he doing? Is he okay?"

She seemed genuinely concerned and he softened. "Yeah. This year hadn't really been good to him, but he's doing better now."

She nodded with a small smile. "He does seem really happ-"

"I think I fixed it!"

Abby turned the ignition on, and true to Buck's word, the car was fixed. Abby thanked him and he told her to take the car to a real mechanic befor it broke down on her again. Abby gave him her new number and a hug, which only slightly pissed him off and they went their separate ways. 

The ride to the store was quiet, and Eddie could feel Buck's eyes on him every now and then. He ignored it in favor of looking out of the window.

"Eddie?" 

"Yeah?"

"Are you mad at me or something?"

"Do you still love her?"

Buck immediately pulled over. "What?"

"You heard me; do you still love her?" 

Buck laughed incredulously. "Are you being serious right now?"

"Yrah, Buck, I am." Eddie finally looked at him, and he tried to ignore the hurt look on his face. "Are you still in love with Abby, Buck? It's a simple question," he hissed.

From the look on his face, Buck was now angry, too. " _No, you idiot! I'm not in love with her, I'm in love with you."_

 _Buck was in love with him_.

Eddie was glad they were pulled over because Buck looked about ready to either pass out or punch him. Eddie beamed at him. _He was in love with him._ He hit his head on the steering wheel and then rested it there. "Buck?"

"Shut up, Eddie."

"Listen-"

"Shut up, Eddie." Buck moved back into the traffic and didn't look at him.

"I-"

"You," Buck spat at him, "ruined a perfectly good- I was going to- _why_ would you even think I was still in love with Abby, you numbnuts?"

Eddie had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. He did act like an idiot, now when he thought about it without jealousy clouding his thoughts. 

"I'm in love with you, too," he told him quietly, resting his hand on his arm. 

Eddie could see that he was fighting back a smile and scooted closer. He pulled the hand closest to him into his lap and interlaced their fingers. "You're really mad at me?" Buck stared ahead, but Eddie could see his resolve wavering. He lifted his hand up and kissed the back of it slowly, and lingered there. 

Buck pulled over for the second time, and before Eddie could manage to laugh at his antics, he was pulling him into what had to be the most passionate kisses they'd shared. "I love you so fucking much."

Eddie smiled into the kiss, then moved his lips to his neck. He made his way up slowly, leaving a trail of tender kisses in his wake. "Let's go to your place, Buck."

Buck took in a sharp breath. "But dinner-"

Eddie shut him up with a kiss. "Your place."

Buck didn't need to be told twice. They managed to get to his loft in record time, and the second they were inside, Buck pushed him up against the wall and kissed him. Eddie wrapped his arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. They stumbled up the stairs, unable to stop kissing, and when they finally got to Buck's bed, they were both already shirtless and Buck was in the process of ridding him of his pants. He pushed him down on the bed, and Eddie allowed it easily. He lifted himself up on his elbows and watched as Buck slowly dragged his own jeans down his legs, obviously giving him a show. Eddie sat up and pulled him down against him, so they were chest to chest. His hands framed his face, and he just took him in; his soft, dirty blonde hair that was sticking up in all directions, courtesy of Eddie runnig his hands through it; his blue eyes, blown wide and filled with so much want that it took his breath away, and then he dragged his eyes down to his red, throughly kissed lips, and he couldn't help but smile. 

Buck pushed him down, and Eddie pulled him down with him, and just before he kissed him again, Eddie whispered a quiet 'I love you' into his lips. 

Buck said it back just as quietly, and Eddie thought he would never get tired of hearing him say these words.

Then Buck dropped a hot, open-mouthed kiss on his chest, then another, moving down in a purpoaful way that had him squirming, and Eddie couldn't think of anything much at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought, in the comments or on my tumblr (which I just realized I never put in any of my other fics) ravens-world.
> 
> PS: if you have any prompts or things you'd like to see in future fics, I'd love to hear from you guys


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